Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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