Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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