He had one of those small greek statue penises
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
