Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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