Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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