Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
