Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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