drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just google imaged poop.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
