Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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