Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
