I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
