I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
