i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize