I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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