You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
