porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
