Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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