The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
