yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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