some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
