yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
