these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize