I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
