Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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