I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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