I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
