I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
