it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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