you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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