Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
