I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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