Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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