Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He did a backflip because drugs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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