I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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