You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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