So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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