I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize