well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
