oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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