I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize