you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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