She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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