It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
