Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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