dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
