Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize