There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
