idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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