Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
