My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
