does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
