professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
