I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
