Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize