Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize