Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
