the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
