Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
