thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am midnight drunk by noon
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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