You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
not ubering you a puppy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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