I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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