is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize