I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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