We're like a lot better than the average bears
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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