just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
