if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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