bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
