the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
