I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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