4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he puts the penis in happiness.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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