Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
