Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize