Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
