You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
