the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
