well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
