remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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