Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
