Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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