11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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