Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
