Non-Jews are for practice
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
