Screwed.edu
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I AM VODKA MAN
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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