you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
