I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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