So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
