I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
