Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
