I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize