Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
