I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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