So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
