can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
